Shades of Grey
A cloud’s silver lining
A spirit divided
Evil pitted with good
Struggle for control
Will you succumb
To be a minion of shadow?
Or will you offer
Your life as light’s champion?
Choices many and confusing
Driven to a life of emptiness
Showing no hatred nor bliss
Emotions clouded by fear
Will you become yourself?
Or someone else’s?
Can you face your fears?
Can you trust yourself?
Mind divided into warring factions
A battlefield of morals
Law and chaos converge
Creating a null force known as apathy
Uncaring, unchanging, unbeing
An illusionary soul
Unseen by the world
Fearing, hating, loving, dying
Tis our choice to choose
Not the ones we love
Hope is the support
For our pain and sorrow
Hope is the link
To which love clings
Shrouded
Hidden in cloaks of shadow,
I seek to find the light.
Confused, distraught, and mistaken,
Nobody can see my plight.
I close out all my smiles,
Seemingly killing my sickness.
I shut out all of my emotions,
Thinking I’m rid of my weakness.
Yet, alone I stand in the darkness,
A sorrow that plagues my mind.
Feeling trapped, yet free,
I ask the world for a sign.
Realizing my sickness is hate,
I pierce the shrouds of my heart.
Bursting into my ignorant bliss,
My new life begins to start.
9/17/02
Wanderlust
I stride and skulk to places unknown
I walk to where, I don’t know
Stopping to talk, stopping to sleep
Stopping to smile, stopping to weep
Stopping to watch the snow
Meeting a friend
Meeting a foe
Finding love
Or finding sorrow
Lifting my thoughts
To fall on paper
I live in a cruel world
But it isn’t so bad
I may not have love
I may not have somebody to hold
But my talents are mine
And mine alone
I will use them
I will take my own fate
The world can’t take me
The world won’t fool me
I am me
I am not you
Wandering the fields of perplexity
To forever remain, a mercenary
Angel’s wings, demon’s claws
Ebon pupils, snow white eyes
Silver samurai, grey ronin
I live for myself, but
Then…maybe for them
But am I true
To myself
Am I me?
Or a mirror for you?
Maybe I care…for nothing
Maybe…you care…
If you love me
Then…TELL ME!
12/16/03
Showing posts with label self themed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self themed. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
H.S. Poetry Part 15 (Mimic, My Reality, Paper Flowers)
You can see some influence from Evanescence if you look closely
Mimic
Losing sight of myself
Reflecting you as my mirror
Can I never find my destiny?
Where do I belong?
Where should I go?
I can’t follow you anymore
But it’s so hard.
For I cannot even follow myself
An empty shell with a blank soul
Living with an uncertain life
Copying another’s actions.
My masks are many and colorful
Changing daily, yet my eyes seem pale
Feelings clouded, emotions disappearing
Do I laugh? Do I cry?
Should I live? Should I die?
Lost past, uncertain future.
But I seek to find myself
In the shadows behind the mask.
I reach out and grasp
Blindly searching for a purpose
Pulling off my façade
I reveal a new face
And the face is not one of yours
No, it is my own creation
It is my mask to use
I no longer mimic another
No longer taking away bliss
For I have found my own happiness.
6/18/03
My Reality
As I live in the world we know
I continue to build my own realm of peace
For this world of pain and suffering
Consumes the blissful ignorance we love
Our emotions are clouded and faded
By our doubts and fears we’ve hidden away.
My reality is a crumbling castle of hope
Its walls are built up and broken down from the inside
My small realm of calm, sweet refuge
Is tainted by the lumbering armies of failure
My reality is a fading dream of the night
Its power lost in the rising day.
Can I make my reality more than a dream?
Will it live in the world that it so despises?
I only wish that for a single day
We could live in my reality
Where no one feels pain
Where no one worries about the past.
Or fears for the future
We need only accept one another
And wish for a better world
If we trust in ourselves
We can change this twisted plane
But we cannot simply hope
We must act on our dreams
To make those ideals reality
But we must think before acting
For we could make a far worse world than before
If we do not realize that we can cause pain
The perfection we wish is truly a dream
But we can work to better our reality
To bring the outside to peace
6/18/03
Paper Flowers
Skulking through shrouded corridors
Longing for death’s lingering grasp
Holding a delicate petal within my palm
It withers away and fades
My paper flower crumbles into nothing
Inner soul wracked with pain
Knowing nothing of outside
Sitting in my quiet chamber
Holding my paper flower
Clasping it to my chest
A faded love
A forgotten memory
A lost destiny
I question my mind’s grasp on outside
Not knowing if I am accepted
Do they push you away
Or pull you down?
I cannot answer the riddles
Enigmas within my soul
I will ponder until the end
And discover its truth
As my paper flower withers and dies.
7/29/03
Mimic
Losing sight of myself
Reflecting you as my mirror
Can I never find my destiny?
Where do I belong?
Where should I go?
I can’t follow you anymore
But it’s so hard.
For I cannot even follow myself
An empty shell with a blank soul
Living with an uncertain life
Copying another’s actions.
My masks are many and colorful
Changing daily, yet my eyes seem pale
Feelings clouded, emotions disappearing
Do I laugh? Do I cry?
Should I live? Should I die?
Lost past, uncertain future.
But I seek to find myself
In the shadows behind the mask.
I reach out and grasp
Blindly searching for a purpose
Pulling off my façade
I reveal a new face
And the face is not one of yours
No, it is my own creation
It is my mask to use
I no longer mimic another
No longer taking away bliss
For I have found my own happiness.
6/18/03
My Reality
As I live in the world we know
I continue to build my own realm of peace
For this world of pain and suffering
Consumes the blissful ignorance we love
Our emotions are clouded and faded
By our doubts and fears we’ve hidden away.
My reality is a crumbling castle of hope
Its walls are built up and broken down from the inside
My small realm of calm, sweet refuge
Is tainted by the lumbering armies of failure
My reality is a fading dream of the night
Its power lost in the rising day.
Can I make my reality more than a dream?
Will it live in the world that it so despises?
I only wish that for a single day
We could live in my reality
Where no one feels pain
Where no one worries about the past.
Or fears for the future
We need only accept one another
And wish for a better world
If we trust in ourselves
We can change this twisted plane
But we cannot simply hope
We must act on our dreams
To make those ideals reality
But we must think before acting
For we could make a far worse world than before
If we do not realize that we can cause pain
The perfection we wish is truly a dream
But we can work to better our reality
To bring the outside to peace
6/18/03
Paper Flowers
Skulking through shrouded corridors
Longing for death’s lingering grasp
Holding a delicate petal within my palm
It withers away and fades
My paper flower crumbles into nothing
Inner soul wracked with pain
Knowing nothing of outside
Sitting in my quiet chamber
Holding my paper flower
Clasping it to my chest
A faded love
A forgotten memory
A lost destiny
I question my mind’s grasp on outside
Not knowing if I am accepted
Do they push you away
Or pull you down?
I cannot answer the riddles
Enigmas within my soul
I will ponder until the end
And discover its truth
As my paper flower withers and dies.
7/29/03
H.S. Poetry Part 14 (Why Do I Not Feel the Cold?, Bless Me Not and Hatepassion)
Why Do I Not Feel The Cold
Why do I not feel the cold?
The stinging wind
The biting air
The chilling snow
The frozen rain
All seem not to hurt me
My flame is flickering
My passions are dying
My anger has subsided
My sorrow has vanished
What do I feel?
I feel not the chill air
I feel not the evil ice
What do I feel?
What can I feel?
Will my passions ignite?
I know not
I don’t know how to feel
Why do I not feel the cold?
12/17/03
Bless Me Not
Bless me not
For I am a fool
I hate you
And yet I love you
Bless me not
I am a demon
I wish to kill
But I wish to help
I belong in hell
Bless me not
I don’t belong
You scorn or ridicule
My blissful ignorance
I know nothing
Of the outside world
I want to escape
Bless me not
I do…not…live
Nor do I die
I am a shade
A living corpse
A fallen knight
A death and a life
An angel and a demon
Bless me not.
12/16/03
Hatepassion
Despising torture
Lusting for pain
A single cut
Bleeds inside
Lying for me
Protecting you
The scrapes
The slashes
The wounds
They bleed
They hurt
They should make me sad
But I feel nothing
Until it’s too late
Too far to turn around
Too behind to rush ahead
A child of darkness
Blossoming roses of black pain
A rage, and anger, a hatred
A blinding fury of myself
Running in circles
Falling on my dreams
I want to help them
I want to love again
But the passion
But the hate
Clouding my thoughts
An undying love
A consuming disgust
I hate and hug you
You love and lose me
I’m sorry
I’ll try harder
You can help
Please tell me
That you truly care
I want to say it
But the passion
Is still a hate
Jared Cowan
3/14/04
Why do I not feel the cold?
The stinging wind
The biting air
The chilling snow
The frozen rain
All seem not to hurt me
My flame is flickering
My passions are dying
My anger has subsided
My sorrow has vanished
What do I feel?
I feel not the chill air
I feel not the evil ice
What do I feel?
What can I feel?
Will my passions ignite?
I know not
I don’t know how to feel
Why do I not feel the cold?
12/17/03
Bless Me Not
Bless me not
For I am a fool
I hate you
And yet I love you
Bless me not
I am a demon
I wish to kill
But I wish to help
I belong in hell
Bless me not
I don’t belong
You scorn or ridicule
My blissful ignorance
I know nothing
Of the outside world
I want to escape
Bless me not
I do…not…live
Nor do I die
I am a shade
A living corpse
A fallen knight
A death and a life
An angel and a demon
Bless me not.
12/16/03
Hatepassion
Despising torture
Lusting for pain
A single cut
Bleeds inside
Lying for me
Protecting you
The scrapes
The slashes
The wounds
They bleed
They hurt
They should make me sad
But I feel nothing
Until it’s too late
Too far to turn around
Too behind to rush ahead
A child of darkness
Blossoming roses of black pain
A rage, and anger, a hatred
A blinding fury of myself
Running in circles
Falling on my dreams
I want to help them
I want to love again
But the passion
But the hate
Clouding my thoughts
An undying love
A consuming disgust
I hate and hug you
You love and lose me
I’m sorry
I’ll try harder
You can help
Please tell me
That you truly care
I want to say it
But the passion
Is still a hate
Jared Cowan
3/14/04
Sunday, April 18, 2010
H.S. Poetry Part 13 (Wunderkind)
Wunderkind
Genius, prodigy, tensai, all of these fail
To truly mirror and reflect the light within
A flickering ember of insight, of wisdom, of knowledge
Perceiving things unseen by others
Truly shutting off from normalcy, from stagnation of theory
Going further, pressing forward to progress, to the future
Never staying far in the present, never straying too far in the future
The past beckons them to become like legends
Yet the present ostracizes, generalizes, mesmerizes, lies and lies
Humans and yet gods to some, they fall short of divinity, of deity’s title
For to be a god is to create, and yet to create is but passing in mortality
Any creation of mere humans falls, crumbles, destroys itself
Creations of deities too will fall, though through much more time passing
What is the contrast, between gods of earth and gods of heaven, but the form of the matter?
The spirit is different as well, a deity’s soul within his acolyte, the demigod’s within their work, their goals.
The difference is the width of philosophy, of schools of thought and religion, governments of morality
Yet further and further from each other, the two become…the width of time eternal.
Jared Cowan, 4/3/06
Genius, prodigy, tensai, all of these fail
To truly mirror and reflect the light within
A flickering ember of insight, of wisdom, of knowledge
Perceiving things unseen by others
Truly shutting off from normalcy, from stagnation of theory
Going further, pressing forward to progress, to the future
Never staying far in the present, never straying too far in the future
The past beckons them to become like legends
Yet the present ostracizes, generalizes, mesmerizes, lies and lies
Humans and yet gods to some, they fall short of divinity, of deity’s title
For to be a god is to create, and yet to create is but passing in mortality
Any creation of mere humans falls, crumbles, destroys itself
Creations of deities too will fall, though through much more time passing
What is the contrast, between gods of earth and gods of heaven, but the form of the matter?
The spirit is different as well, a deity’s soul within his acolyte, the demigod’s within their work, their goals.
The difference is the width of philosophy, of schools of thought and religion, governments of morality
Yet further and further from each other, the two become…the width of time eternal.
Jared Cowan, 4/3/06
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
H.S. Poetry part 12, Varied Themes Cont. (Ugly, Mortal, Playground)
Ugly
The avatar of ugliness
An advocate of shame
Her hair is never pretty
But inside burns a flame
Her face is crystal beauty
An avatar of light
Her hair shines like the morning
But inside, losing might
A neutral face arises
Her features are very plain
Her eyes are grey and boring
But inside, she feels pain
Aren’t we all so ugly, when we cause another pain?
Aren’t we all so pretty, when we think ourselves plain?
Mortal
I am a mortal.
I think of selfish ambitions.
I desire perverse wishes.
I speak of self-righteous plots.
I flaunt my cunning thoughts.
I gibe my lesser peers.
I deny my weakest points.
I hurt my beloved friends.
I am a mortal.
Playground
Specters of the lost
Slowly drift through the night
Reliving fantasies long forsaken
Childrens’ voices laugh and cry
As the memories of playtime
Resound and echo
Angelic demonic ethereal astral
No time, no age, no sense of being
Existence is fallen as angels are lost
Lucifer’s bane, the ghosts of the past
A cursed life
No one hears your voice
Cry in the dead night
Calling to deaf ears
Sixth sense fading
Mystics converted
Ancient powers of spirits long forgotten
The spirits are lost
But not to time
8/13/04
The avatar of ugliness
An advocate of shame
Her hair is never pretty
But inside burns a flame
Her face is crystal beauty
An avatar of light
Her hair shines like the morning
But inside, losing might
A neutral face arises
Her features are very plain
Her eyes are grey and boring
But inside, she feels pain
Aren’t we all so ugly, when we cause another pain?
Aren’t we all so pretty, when we think ourselves plain?
Mortal
I am a mortal.
I think of selfish ambitions.
I desire perverse wishes.
I speak of self-righteous plots.
I flaunt my cunning thoughts.
I gibe my lesser peers.
I deny my weakest points.
I hurt my beloved friends.
I am a mortal.
Playground
Specters of the lost
Slowly drift through the night
Reliving fantasies long forsaken
Childrens’ voices laugh and cry
As the memories of playtime
Resound and echo
Angelic demonic ethereal astral
No time, no age, no sense of being
Existence is fallen as angels are lost
Lucifer’s bane, the ghosts of the past
A cursed life
No one hears your voice
Cry in the dead night
Calling to deaf ears
Sixth sense fading
Mystics converted
Ancient powers of spirits long forgotten
The spirits are lost
But not to time
8/13/04
HS. Poetry Part 11, Varied Themes Cont. (Empty, Must I Live Life Alone)
Empty
Existence is nothing, but yet,
Living for nothing isn’t it.
There is no true balance, and so,
To think you’re stronger or better,
Is no better for the other.
But who are we, the slaves of life,
To say we are the true powers…?
Life is so meaningless, and yet,
The acts of life will never stop.
Floating above the puffs of pearl,
The psyche will always ponder,
About past and archaic life.
But why should we bother with that,
When happiness’s ignorance,
Is better up life’s many rungs…?
Strength is our base and foundation,
But is power all that we need?
Should our everyday business thrive,
On such pathetic wastes of time?
Such as being the best in all,
Or are academics the norm?
Should we all suddenly perish,
But then exit all perfections…?
Feelings are of no use to some,
Whose minds are so above the rest.
But emotion isn’t absent,
When rage explodes around failure.
But are social masters just that,
When nothing is good in their sight?
Aren’t these two opposites alike,
When chuckles connect to these forms?
When failure and misses are shown,
By cruelty to these lone souls…
Are the ones with higher powers,
Always proud of all the failures,
That this imperfect tribe will yield?
All blunders aren’t mistaken, though,
Rather, they are pardoned above.
For these places of death and grief,
Will be perfected to His plans.
Yet, we must always be observant,
For memories are eternal…
Must I Live Life Alone
Must I live life alone?
A stone cold sentinel?
A fallen angel?
A lost lamb?
Cloistered in a chapel?
Shielded in a sanctum?
Trapped in a temple?
Solitude is my only companion
Alone I stand
No one to hold
Close to my face
No one to love me
For me and me
What to live for
Just one thing
To use my talents
For other’s glee
I sigh and smile
A plastic grin
What am I thinking?
I’m not like them
They have a love
They have a hate
They have feelings
Why can’t I?
Must I live life alone?
You can’t decide for me
I’ll find out
Don’t worry
My life is not a waste
As long as I have myself
Even without a love
To clasp hands with
I will live
In loneliness
12/17/03
Existence is nothing, but yet,
Living for nothing isn’t it.
There is no true balance, and so,
To think you’re stronger or better,
Is no better for the other.
But who are we, the slaves of life,
To say we are the true powers…?
Life is so meaningless, and yet,
The acts of life will never stop.
Floating above the puffs of pearl,
The psyche will always ponder,
About past and archaic life.
But why should we bother with that,
When happiness’s ignorance,
Is better up life’s many rungs…?
Strength is our base and foundation,
But is power all that we need?
Should our everyday business thrive,
On such pathetic wastes of time?
Such as being the best in all,
Or are academics the norm?
Should we all suddenly perish,
But then exit all perfections…?
Feelings are of no use to some,
Whose minds are so above the rest.
But emotion isn’t absent,
When rage explodes around failure.
But are social masters just that,
When nothing is good in their sight?
Aren’t these two opposites alike,
When chuckles connect to these forms?
When failure and misses are shown,
By cruelty to these lone souls…
Are the ones with higher powers,
Always proud of all the failures,
That this imperfect tribe will yield?
All blunders aren’t mistaken, though,
Rather, they are pardoned above.
For these places of death and grief,
Will be perfected to His plans.
Yet, we must always be observant,
For memories are eternal…
Must I Live Life Alone
Must I live life alone?
A stone cold sentinel?
A fallen angel?
A lost lamb?
Cloistered in a chapel?
Shielded in a sanctum?
Trapped in a temple?
Solitude is my only companion
Alone I stand
No one to hold
Close to my face
No one to love me
For me and me
What to live for
Just one thing
To use my talents
For other’s glee
I sigh and smile
A plastic grin
What am I thinking?
I’m not like them
They have a love
They have a hate
They have feelings
Why can’t I?
Must I live life alone?
You can’t decide for me
I’ll find out
Don’t worry
My life is not a waste
As long as I have myself
Even without a love
To clasp hands with
I will live
In loneliness
12/17/03
H.S. Poetry Part 10, Varied Themes Cont. (Different, Masks, A Day in the Life of...)
Different
People don’t accept me
They just don’t understand
Just because I’m different
I can’t stay in this land
They banish me to exile
I wander day by day
I stand beside the ocean
And feel the sun’s strong rays
The people are so saddened
They truly wish me back
And so I return to meet them
To find out what I lack
It’s true, we may be different. But we’re also just the same
We follow the call of destiny. We follow a holy name.
Masks
I cover my shame
I cover my fury
I shield myself
With a mask of bliss
Ignorance’s happiness
Is so much better
Than pain
Or grief
Or hatred
I don’t want to love
I don’t need to hate
But, in the end, I find
That emotions are my strength
But, taking my masque off
Is a perilous task
If I rip off my self
Will I find a new face?
I don’t really know…
But…
I don’t need this leer
Upon my brow
A jester’s smile
A demon’s grin
I don’t want it
I want a new face
I want a true face.
I want my face back.
12/16/03
A Day in the Life of...
Pain from within,
Comes from my sins.
Always afraid,
That I might fade.
Weakened am I,
Bidding goodbye.
Hoping to leave,
Sensing reprieve.
Happiness blooms,
Killing the doom.
Flying away,
So ends a day...
People don’t accept me
They just don’t understand
Just because I’m different
I can’t stay in this land
They banish me to exile
I wander day by day
I stand beside the ocean
And feel the sun’s strong rays
The people are so saddened
They truly wish me back
And so I return to meet them
To find out what I lack
It’s true, we may be different. But we’re also just the same
We follow the call of destiny. We follow a holy name.
Masks
I cover my shame
I cover my fury
I shield myself
With a mask of bliss
Ignorance’s happiness
Is so much better
Than pain
Or grief
Or hatred
I don’t want to love
I don’t need to hate
But, in the end, I find
That emotions are my strength
But, taking my masque off
Is a perilous task
If I rip off my self
Will I find a new face?
I don’t really know…
But…
I don’t need this leer
Upon my brow
A jester’s smile
A demon’s grin
I don’t want it
I want a new face
I want a true face.
I want my face back.
12/16/03
A Day in the Life of...
Pain from within,
Comes from my sins.
Always afraid,
That I might fade.
Weakened am I,
Bidding goodbye.
Hoping to leave,
Sensing reprieve.
Happiness blooms,
Killing the doom.
Flying away,
So ends a day...
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